Have been sick all day with something I think I inhaled while pulling up the old carpet in my soon-to-be office over the weekend. Felt miserable…but the down time allowed me to read a friend’s work on birthright. I’ll be honest, it’s pretty depressing so far–a long litany of biblical characters who forfeited their birthright, mostly out of fear. Fear of not fitting in, of losing popularity, of having to engage the enemy. As scary as it is to fight giants as you occupy your Promised Land, there is nothing more terrifying than facing God after having surrendered your birthright. The thought that God gave me a priceless gift and I lost it because I was too self-absorbed or wounded or careless to cultivate it is devastating. And yet it is the exact thought that has manifested as a vague but disabling sense of anxiety over the past year. As I think about it, this is probably what prompted the post on deliverables. The conversation with my boss touched a nerve–deep down, I am afraid I will never be what I was supposed to be.
I’m hoping the book includes some good news on the possibility of recovering your birthright, even after you’ve made some spectacularly mediocre decisions.