Desperately seeking clarity.

20130321-000540.jpgA few days ago, I scheduled a visit with my former boss, who did not survive the recent election cycle. I wanted to let him know what an honor it had been to work for him and to wish him all the best in his future endeavors. He tried to be upbeat, but in the middle of our conversation he looked at me and said, “Even though you know there’s always the possibility you can lose, you don’t really think you will. There was so much still left to do.”

And maybe he will have the opportunity in some other capacity to do some of those things. Or maybe not. In any case, he won’t be able to do them with a title that opens doors and creates momentum to make things happen.

In the days since our meeting, his words have haunted me. I feel the same way. A little dazed and confused at a time in my life when I desperately need clarity and focus. Feeling that the door has closed to accomplishing some things that could have been significant and looking for some other access to my calling.

So now I find myself at the cusp of a decision. I’m back east, wondering if I should jump back in to the frying pan I kissed goodbye to {scorched lips and all} this time last year.

How I need a shot of God confidence and certainty right now. Confidence that He still loves me, regardless of the outward state of my life and the mediocre choices I’ve made. And certainty that I can still fulfill His purpose for me.